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What Are You Looking For?

BY SISTER ANN LETOURNEAU

The children, dressed in their Easter best and gathered with their colorful baskets, waited for their grandfather to give the word that the hunt had begun. I don’t need to tell you what they were looking for on their search. We all know that kids love to find the colorful eggs that are hidden for their delight, filled with goodies and surprises. But what are you looking for these days?

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Living in turbulent, unsettling times, where bomb attacks, hate crimes, climate change, clergy sexual abuse, Russian interference, and school shootings seem to constantly confront us, we can easily find ourselves looking for the next awful event that is going to happen. We become cautious, wondering if the person walking towards us on the sidewalk is going to harm us. We keep ourselves behind locked doors at home, in the car, and at work. We are vigilant for our own safety and the safety of our children. Wisdom demands it. At the same time, there is danger in generalizing headlines to our everyday lives. The confirmation bias leads us to find what fits with our beliefs and disconfirm anything that refutes it. In other words, we find what we are looking for. If I believe the world is a terrible place, I will remember all the stories I hear to confirm this belief and forget the positive ones.

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What if we consciously looked for what the Easter egg symbolizes? For Christians, the Easter egg originally represented the Resurrection of Jesus. The hard shell was the sealed tomb and cracking the shell was Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. Jesus’ resurrection for me means new life and hope. In the days before Easter I was on the look-out for “resurrection moments,” moments when my heart was stirred with joy. They’re easy to find in the springtime, when the natural world is waking up from the winter. A week before Easter, however, we had about six inches of snow and I feared the buds that were ready to burst forth would succumb to the cold. To my delight, they didn’t. The daffodils, tulips, and magnolia trees are in bloom. Resurrection came despite the polar vortex and the late snowfall. My heart sang as I walked around the neighborhood noticing all the bright, colorful flowers.

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Another resurrection moment occurred for me when the sister I live with snuck a candy bar into my lunch bag. I could hardly keep from smiling when I saw it. The small gift was a simple surprise that warmed my heart with the love of my sisters in community.

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My ministry of journeying with people in psychological therapy affords me many resurrection moments. While I’m trusted with many emotions and stories that are frequently not shared in public, I’m also blessed to give witness to breakthrough moments when people work through painful times or gradually begin to see themselves as being loveable.

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What Resurrection moments come alive for you today? Let your internal headline be: Jesus is Alive! And be on the lookout for when he brings joy to your heart. Remember, we find what we are looking for.

About the Author

Ann CroppedSister Ann Letourneau, PsyD has been a Sister of St. Joseph for 29 years. She is a staff psychologist at Central Dupage Pastoral Counseling Center in Carol Stream, IL where she sees individual clients and offers educational presentations on various psychological and spiritual topics. Sr. Ann is fascinated by nighttime dreams and runs a monthly dream group at The Well Spirituality Center, a sponsored ministry of the Congregation of St. Joseph in La Grange, IL.

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Welcome to the Human Race

By Sister Ann Letourneau

As we enter the Advent season, “welcome to the human race” is a statement that has been rolling around in my mind and heart. It was said to me by my formation director, Sister Helene, many times as I began learning what it means to be a Sister of St. Joseph. To be honest, my 23-year-old-self did not have a clue what she meant. Over time I realized she was gently inviting me to let go of my perfectionism. Making mistakes, forgetting a commitment now and then, struggling with self-acceptance, and feeling hurt and anger are not situations worth self-crucifixion – indeed they are part of the human condition. Being human means I am not perfect. I will have struggles, make mistakes, and feel a myriad of emotions. I have had this cognitive understanding for many years now and I am daily reminded of what it means to be a part of the human race. The critical voice in my head is much quieter and less condemning.

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Helene also frequently included the sentiment “I love you” as she supported me in personal growth and understanding of what it means to be a Catholic Sister. Again, not something I heard often, especially outside of my family. She, however, was subtly showing that I did not earn love. I did not need to be perfect to be cared about and loved. Helene helped me to experience love in a new way, a way that God had loved me from the moment of my conception.

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The concepts of my humanness and God’s acceptance continue to deepen as I pray to become aware of my own patterns of sin (which for me means becoming more aware of thoughts, words, and actions that keep me from moving toward God and from fully experiencing the love and mercy of God). Now, however, I do not hear my own critical voice condemning me. There is no self-crucifixion happening inside of me. I also do not hear the voice of God condemning me. Instead, I hear, “For God so loved the world that he sent his only son” (John 3:16) and Jesus “emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness.” (Philippians 2: 7)

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Jesus became human just as I am human. We are taught he did not sin, but that he did experience the emotions we have. We hear of his struggles in relationship to his disciples who either did not understand or told others of their experiences when Jesus asked them not to spread the word. We also hear about Jesus’ agony in the garden the night before he died. Jesus, in his humanity, did not live the perfection of God. How could I have ever held myself to such standards? It is no wonder I spent much of my young adulthood experiencing my own agony in the garden and Good Friday. I would like to say I spend most of my time now in Resurrection moments, but that would not be totally true. What I am coming to understand is that I am a person who continually re-lives Christmas, the day in which we celebrate Jesus becoming one with us in our humanity.

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During this Advent season, I hope to continue grappling with what it means to be a human in need of God’s freely given abundant love and mercy. My intention is to welcome Jesus into the human race with all the love I have for him, much as Helene welcomed me into the human race with her kindness and love.  After all, being perfectly human rather than a perfect human is better than my 23-year-old self would have ever believed.

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About the Author

Ann CroppedSister Ann Letourneau, PsyD has been a Sister of St. Joseph for 29 years. She is a staff psychologist at Central Dupage Pastoral Counseling Center in Carol Stream, IL where she sees individual clients and offers educational presentations on various psychological and spiritual topics. Sr. Ann is fascinated by nighttime dreams and runs a monthly dream group at The Well Spirituality Center, a sponsored ministry of the Congregation of St. Joseph in La Grange, IL.